Dave, just so you know there is a private, members-only forum available to use down below on the page. You are more than welcome to use it to discuss matter privately with other members. You will see it as Wart Talk (off topic discussions).
pa4ortho has offered some good advise and I heartily concur. I knew of at least one other woman who concealed breast cancer until it erupted and was no longer able to be hidden. That was a former high school teacher's (mine) wife some years ago. I do not know of the final outcome in that case as I was away from my home town by then.
I realize there is not a lot I and others can do considering the distance between us, but we are here to offer if nothing else a shoulder to lean on, if not practical advise.
ER docs are people too; they come is all sizes and flavors and temperaments. They are just as prone to jumping to conclusions as anyone else (though by education and training they are not supposed to be).
Likewise family. People who are not around all the time cannot conceive how one person can conceal and ailment of such drastic proportions from someone they interact with on a daily basis. But it happens all the time. A couple of months ago I worked with a nurse who exhibited all the signs of bronchitis or sub-acute pneumonia and had been for a month or longer to varying degrees.
Long story/short version she knew she had cancer and was determined to address it on her terms. Within 2 weeks she called off sick, finally saw a local doc, was diagnosed with terminal cancer, resigned, went back to the Midwest, and died on her own terms. Yet the people closest to her - including her best friend and housemate - had nary a clue as to the severity of the situation.
I am not trying to be a Gloomy Gus here but only to point out for others that people can and often do successfully conceal serious illness that otherwise does not physically disable until it is very progressed.
You are doing to right thing and I will keep you in my prayers for strength, and a positive outcome for your wife.
Do not hesitate to vent if needed, or ask advise.
RR
Knowledge shared is learning gained by both teacher and student.
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